Is this real life?

Unfortunately I lost the notes I took during my last ladies lunch but these are the few bits I remember:

• My new friend admitted that one time she told a guy she loved him while hooking up...she did not love this guy.
• Another new friend and her boyfriend are dealing with a haunted vibrator; a little bit after they turn it off, it turns back on, falls to the floor and bounces around like a rogue football.
• Seven suspects that a guy she was seeing was only moving so quickly so that they would get married and he could stay in the country...is this a romantic comedy?

Gotta love Monday afternoon chats.

Love much,

Lavender

Deal Breaker or Room for Improvement?

Everyone has (or should have) their relationship deal breakers. These are the big ones like doesn't want kids, doesn't practice the same religion as me, lives in a different country. Then there are the easy fixes like doesn't put dishes in the dishwasher, has too many shoes, doesn't always call when they say they will.

But what about those qualities in a partner that fall in the middle of deal breakers and easy fixes? Things like doesn't communicate well, doesn't share the same passions, isn't supportive of your life goals. They aren't big enough to end a relationship over, but they take a little bit more work than, "Hey babe, can you please clean up your shit?"

It's easy to break it off with someone who has done something terrible or is 100% incompatible with you and little things can certainly be improved upon in a healthy relationship.

When do we stop trying to fix the relationship and call it quits? My first thought is to say, "Well if you truly love that person, that you can work through the hard stuff." But I hesitate because love isn't always the end all relationship fixer. We all know there are the people that 100% love and care for their partners but are in an abusive and unhealthy relationship. So love can't be the answer.

I suppose it is one of those things that we have to take day by day. I truly believe that we should be individuals first and partners second so I imagine if a characteristic of a partner isn't allowing you to be the best possible version of yourself, that's when it becomes a deal breaker.

This is obviously a lot easier said than done. Everything is more difficult when you're in the middle of it. What do you think? Have you been in a situation where you weren't sure if you were facing a deal breaker or something that left room for improvement? Let me know with a comment or two.

Love much,
Lavender

♪:"Pusher Love Girl" by Justin Timberlake

Cosmo Challenge: Relaxed

In an effort to mix up my sex life and keep things interesting, I have decided (and Duckie gleefully agreed) to undertake the challenge of completing all 20 moves in the "20 Sex Moves for Every Mood" article in the March Cosmpolitan. Hopefully I can persuade you to take your sex life in your own hands and never settle into a routine. Wish me luck!

14. Relaxed: Slip into a hot bubble bath together. Sit between his legs, with your back against his chest. He can reach around and give you some manual loving while you grind up against him (gently). Water will definitely slosh on your floor, but you're Zen, babe, so cést la vie.

Duckie and I tried this directly after our mutual rub-downs (see Cosmo Challenge: Romantic) so we were already veryyy relaxed. I must have had some sort of goofy smile on my face as we moved from the bedroom to the bathtub.

I poured some aphrodisiac bath salts and bubble bath into the tub and we slipped in. Both of us are tall and my bathtub is not but this position of me with my back on his chest worked great.

We didn't last long in the tub and didn't do much touching either. We were both just so relaxed and enjoying the intimacy of the night. But the bath definitely added to the romanticism of our night together and made it about more than just sex.

Love much,
Lavender

Cosmo Challenge: Romantic

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Ladies Who (Talk Sex at) Lunch

Lately, my Monday and Wednesday lunches have involved nosebleeds, queefing, and female grooming. No, not the real thing! Just the discussions I've had with my lunchmates, Jasmine, Seven, and Coco. I'm not sure what it is about these girls but our conversations always, always, always turn to sex. I've really learned a lot about them and their sex lives the past few days and I wanted to share with you the topics we've discussed.

It never fails that when a group of girls start discussing sex, one brave soul will bring up the dreaded topic: queefing. We all want to talk about it but at the same time, we don't even want to acknowledge that this mortifying phenomenon exists.

This particular conversation with the girls is what caused Seven's nickname. The number seven is in reference to an especially awkward queefing experience she had in front of a sexual partner ("I swear, it was like seven Mississippis long!"). Thankfully, the guy was a gentlemen and didn't make a big deal of it, punctuating the moment with a simple pat on the shoulder and a "It's okay."

From there, the conversation moved to condoms and the fact that guys "forget" to bring them. Smart girls keep spare condoms around just in case, but in Seven's case, her stash of condoms is more than a backup–it's a decision factor.

"I only have Magnums because I shouldn't be having sex with anyone that can't fit into a Magnum," says Seven oh so confidently.

Eventually, Jasmine was able to update us on her recent romantic escapades. She likes one guy who doesn't want to get serious while another guy that she doesn't really like does want to get serious. Jasmine ended up "watching a movie" at Mr. Serious' house (how sweet is this: Mr. Serious moved into a new house that day and was insistent with his roommate that everything must be moved in on time so that Jasmine could come over and hang out).

Jasmine, who did not prepare her downstairs because she had no intention of letting him see it, ended up letting him see it. And to her knowledge, he didn't mind one bit! The girls were under the impression that guys of our age don't care as much about female grooming as they once did. I hope to God that's true!

I very much look forward to more of these conversations in the coming weeks, be sure to check back for updates on these ladies.

Love much,
Lavender

♪: "Elephant (Todd Rundgren Remix)" by Tame Impala

Sextistics

Hey everyone! I just came across these infographics compiled by OkCupid. Very interesting stuff. See how you fit into it all here.

Highlights:

• Women who enjoy exercising have an easier time achieving orgasm
• Those who tweet often have shorter relationships than those who aren't tweeters
• Self-confidence is highest at age 25
• "Curvy" women have higher sex drives and self-confidence

Love much,

Lavender

♪: Some cool jazz shit playing in Starbucks

Cosmo Challenge: Cuddly

In an effort to mix up my sex life and keep things interesting, I have decided (and Duckie gleefully agreed) to undertake the challenge of completing all 20 moves in the "20 Sex Moves for Every Mood" article in the March Cosmpolitan. Hopefully I can persuade you to take your sex life in your own hands and never settle into a routine. Wish me luck!

1. Cuddly: When you just want to snuggle up, lie with your head on his chest, and trace cute little messages across his torso ("So happy/"You're hot"). Then let him reciprocate by writing his own love note across your back.

I'm writing this as Duckie is cuddled up with the blankets in my bed looking so freaking adorable, as always. This is usually the trend. I wake up before him and he gets to sleep in while I get to gaze upon his adorable sleepiness.

I absolutely love snuggling with Duckie. He is so good at it (yes, it's possible to be good at snuggling!) and he loves doing it. Last night, after a wildly successful sexy-time (see: Cosmo Challenge: Sexy), we lay there catching our breaths and soaking in the endorphins. I thought this would be the perfect time to try out some hand-written body love notes.

One thing you have to know about Duckie: he is the most ticklish person I have ever met. I can't even place a hand on his stomach without him giggling and shoving me off him (in the most loving way, of course). His ticklishness is especially intense when his body is so sensitive during and after sex.

I place one finger on his chest to start doodling and he goes crazy! So, naturally, I continue because if you can't tickle-attack your boyfriend, who else can you tickle-attack? And he is just so dang cute when he giggles.

Very carefully, I manage to trace "I love fucking you" on his chest. To which he countered on my chest with..."so hard."

We're so romantic, aren't we?

Is your partner ticklish? Are they the kind of person who gets mad when you tickle them or they get playful? What sort of lovey-dovey post-sex rituals do you and your partner share? Let me know with a comment or two!

Now if you will excuse me, I have a sleepy Duckie to snuggle with.

Love much,
Lavender

Cosmo Challenge: Sexy

In an effort to mix up my sex life and keep things interesting, I have decided (and Duckie gleefully agreed) to undertake the challenge of completing all 20 moves in the "20 Sex Moves for Every Mood" article in the March Cosmpolitan. Hopefully I can persuade you to take your sex life in your own hands and never settle into a routine. Wish me luck!

2. Sexy: There are days when you are on: Your hair is behaving brilliantly, and you're owning your skinny jeans––and those are the days to show off the goods. Straddle him while he's lying on his back on the bed, and lean back so your elbows are resting behind you. Your body should form a semi-bridge. From here, let him do the work. He can thrust up while getting an eyeful of your rocking bod. It's a total rush knowing that he's taking in every inch of you and loving every moment of it.

Once I read this move, I knew that I wanted to do it as soon as possible. Everything about it works for Duckie and I. We both love when I'm on top, we both love when he gets to do most of the work, and he loves when he gets an eyeful of me mid-sex (and I'm learning to love that part too!).

We've gotten into a bit of a routine where I was doing about 90% of the work during sex. It just works for both of us–until I get worn out and the action subsides!

So I did as Cosmo asked: I climbed up on top, bent as far back as I could and let him do as he pleased. Oh and pleased we both were. We've done similar positions but it was usually me thrusting so this was a welcome change for both us. It felt absolutely amazing.

And good ole reliable Duckie did what every girl silently prays their partner will do in such exposed positions; he didn't ignore my clit. In fact, he went straight to it once we got going. I was in heaven. And from the look on his face, so was he!

Unfortunately, after a while, he got tired and I got impatient so I ended up doing some of the work myself (but I didn't mind, especially since his fingers were working so hard).

There were a few moments when I became self-conscious at being so exposed. We had a lamp on so his eyes had full access to everything I've got. But combined with everything that was going on downstairs, and Duckie's repeated assurances going through my head that I'm not, in fact, a huge whale with tiny boobs, I didn't even have time to linger on the self-conscious thoughts.

What do you think? Is this a position you'd try? Is it mostly you doing the work or your partner? Do you feel secure enough in your body that you'd allow yourself to be so exposed? Let me know with a comment or two!

Love much,
Lavender

Cosmo Challenge: Generous

In an effort to mix up my sex life and keep things interesting, I have decided (and Duckie gleefully agreed) to undertake the challenge of completing all 20 moves in the "20 Sex Moves for Every Mood" article in the March Cosmpolitan. Hopefully I can persuade you to take your sex life in your own hands and never settle into a routine. Wish me luck!

17. Generous: 'Tis better to give than to receive, right? "Yes!" says every boyfriend, ever. When the giving mood strikes, tell him to lie back and relax, then roll a condom on and start going down on him. After a few minutes, take it off and continue. Going from sheathed to bare-skinned suddenly will make your mouth and tongue feel so much more intense than usual.

Duckie and I were a bit apprehensive about this one at first. I had never had a condom in my mouth and he had never gotten a blow job with one on. After I explained to him that I was going to take the condom off after a little bit, he was a bit more at ease.

We didn't have any flavored condoms or anything of that sort so I was left with that awful latex taste that stays in your mouth for way too long. Once I got over the initial discomfort, I found myself trying extra hard with my skills so to make sure he could feel them through the condom.

After about three minutes of that, I decided enough was enough and I took the condom off. And would you look at that, it took about a minute for him to finish.

When I asked him how it was, he was speechless! He does this thing after sex where he just nods and smiles to convey his appreciation. I asked him if it was better after I took the condom off compared to if I had just started bare-skinned in the first place and he answered with an affirmative.

I can't imagine using this method every time I'm in the giving mood; the taste is just awful and too many times may de-sensitize Duckie to it. But if I ever feel like mixing it up a bit, I have a new trick in my sexual repertoire (I'll be sure to pick up some flavored condoms for the occasion!).

Have any of you tried this? Was it a success or failure? Let me know with a comment or two!

Love much,
Lavender

Just Say "Yes!"

Your phone rings and it's your roommate. She asks you if you could pick up some milk for her on the way home from hanging out with some friends. Be honest, what is your first reaction? Yes or no?

Whether or not you were honest, I'll be honest with you. I tend to fall under the "No" category. I can be a "no-person."

But I'm trying to get better! In all my relationships, I try to ignore the intuitive "no" that rises to my lips and instead, just say "yes!" It may be inconvenient or something that is out of your comfort zone but some of life's greatest moments happen when you do something for others or something you've never done before.

For example, I was at the mall yesterday when I saw a woman I used to know when I was a kid. Her and her husband were very close with my family and we used to spend a lot of time with them. She was always a very nice, very fun woman and I knew she would recognize me. But for some reason, my first instinct was to turn around and avoid eye contact. I was uncomfortable and afraid of the awkwardness that could occur.

After a few moments I got to thinking, "What's the worst that could happen?" Possibly a few moments of awkwardness? But what's the best thing that could happen? I could potentially re-ignite a great friendship my family shared with this really great lady. So I went and talked to her and you know what? It was great! Not one bit of awkwardness! We chatted for a few minutes and caught up and decided we'd get together in the near future.

So when your insecurities or laziness cause you to first react negatively, just ignore it! Spend a minute actually thinking about the opportunity in front of you. Amazing things could happen. You may just find yourself turning into a "yes-person" someday!

Love much,
Lavender

Cosmo Challenge: Take-Charge

In an effort to mix up my sex life and keep things interesting, I have decided (and Duckie gleefully agreed) to undertake the challenge of completing all 20 moves in the "20 Sex Moves for Every Mood" article in the March Cosmpolitan. Hopefully I can persuade you to take your sex life in your own hands and never settle into a routine. Wish me luck!

11. Take-Charge: Climb on top of him, and pin his wrists against the bed. Holding on to his arms gives you leverage so you can really go for it, and it adds to the you0in-control vibe. The diagonal angle also provides more contact between his pelvic bone and your clitoris, upping the orgasmic potential.-Cosmo

I attempted this one first because, well, it was the only one I could think of in the moment. When I had the idea to do this challenge, I imagined sitting in bed with Duckie, reading over the 20 moves and deciding together which one we wanted to try. I realized I didn't have the magazine with me as we settled into bedroom-mode (and I don't mean brushing our teeth!) on Saturday night.

So, as the light clicked off and we went at it, my first thought was to grab him by the wrists and take-charge. I will admit, this was a lot easier said than done. I'm a very handsy girl and I like to move my hands up and down his body while being intimate so I kept having to pull my hands away from his wrists.

Also, Duckie has very long arms and my body is just not long enough to reach all the way up his outstretched arms. That is if I want the downstairs action to continue, which I did, of course. All in all, the move lasted about three minutes before we tried something else.

But hey, at least we tried it? Any tips on how to make this move more do-able?

Love much,
Lavender

♪: "That Wasn't Me" by Brandi Carlile

"Sonnet XVII" by Pablo Neruda

Just wanted to share my favorite love poem with y'all. Pablo Neruda wrote this poem in Spanish for his wife, Matilde, as part of his Cien Sonetos de Amor (100 Love Sonnets).

I think this translation is absolutely breath-taking (the Spanish version is even better!). The thought of a love so intense that their individual selves no longer exist is intriguing, but also frightening.

What if one of them evolves in a certain way while the other remains stationary? It would be like conjoined twins who grow taller at a different rate; pain and suffering is bound to ensue.

Pablo was certainly not alone in feeling this way. I'm reminded of "The Golden Compass" by Philip Pulman, a book I read when I was a kid. In it, the main character says to her lover:

"We'll cling together so tight that nothing and no one'll ever tear is apart. Every atom of me and every atom of you...We'll live in birds and flowers and dragonflies and pine trees and in clouds and in those little specks of light you see floating in sunbeams...And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won't be able to take one, they'll have to take two, one of you and one of me."

It's a beautiful idea, to be sure. But is it possible? Is it healthy? Or does it only belong in fiction and poetry?

Love much,
Lavender

Top 5: Romantic Movie Scenes

In honor of one of my favorite holidays, Valentine's Day (call me a slave to Hallmark, I just love love!), I present the Top 5 romantic movie scenes. What do you think? Agree or disagree?

5. "The Wedding Singer"

4. "A Lot Like Love"

What could be better than a singing, guitar-playing Ashton Kutcher?

3. "Seven Pounds"

Sorry guys, this one's a major tear-jerker

2. "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World"

ATTENTION SPOILER ALERT: This is the last scene of the movie!

1. "The Notebook" (duh, what else?)

Particularly the heart-wrenching moments after 3:45.

Love much,

Lavender

Gettin' Shit Done

I like to get shit done. I have learned that if I don't do something right when it needs to be done (or at least schedule a time that I will do it), then it won't happen. Something else I've learned: Duckie doesn't work this way.

I can't even count the number of times I've heard, "I'll do it later." It drives me up the wall! Usually I just ignore it and let him deal with his own personal matters, but this weekend we came across an issue that had to do with both of us.

We've been talking about planning a Spring Break trip for a while now. So last week, I tell him: "Let's have our trip planned by the end of the weekend!"

I thought, Surely, giving him a due date and asking nicely will work. Nope. We had our destination and dates picked out and when I say, "Okay, can I book it?" He says, "I have to make sure my mom wasn't planning anything with me." So I say, "Okay can you call her right now?" He says, "No, I don't want to bother her right now. I'll call her this week."

WE WERE SO CLOSE TO ACTUALLY GETTING SHIT DONE!

Admittedly, I get a little snarky with him right then and there. I tell him our spot is going to get booked and if we don't do it now it would be too late and he tells me that it's not going to get booked and that I'm overreacting. Nothing is decided and I angrily go back to cooking our dinner.

A few minutes later I see him get a text from his mom. Y'all! He asked his mom about Spring Break plans right then and there! I was so touched that he was proactive and did what I asked him without any more arguing; there were no "This is stupid"s or "I wish I could just do it this week"s! He just did it because he knew it would make me feel better.

That may be silly but I think it was a step in the right direction. I admire his laid-back attitude, I could certainly take a page from his book when it comes to that, but in this case he took a page from my book very respectfully.

So tell me, how do you deal when the people in your life are frustrating you? How do you remain patient (like I obviously wasn't) when you are certain that you know what's best? Leave me a comment or two, will ya?

Love much,

Lavender

♪: "Piece of My Heart" by Janis Joplin

Sweet Nothings

"You honestly make me lost for words sometimes!"

-Duckie

Funny stuff from #whatshouldwecallme

Click-->#whatshouldwecallme | When my friends tell me that my crush just walked into the room.

One minute he's there...

A text from 1:12 AM this morning: "I have a new story for the blog" from my single-and-loving-it friend Liberty.

Several hours later after I had woken up, I replied and we set a time to meet at a coffee shop to discuss her news. Liberty was already at a table working on homework when I walked up. It took about a minute of small-talk before we jumped into the news.

"Okay, so I went to Stressball's house last night," Liberty says.

"I don't know who that is," I say.

"He's that guy that I met through a friend a while ago. We started talking on Facebook then we hung out to watch 'The Royal Tenenbaums'...on his bed. And we hooked up."

"Hooked up?"

"Well we didn't have sex but...we did other things."

I got the picture. So, here we have Liberty and Stressball (so named because of his stressful tendencies to over-analyze his and Liberty's relationship before they even hung out). They have had one successful hang out with some hooking up. Liberty enjoyed it ("He may be stressful but damn is he hot") and he must have enjoyed it too because when Liberty texted him the other day asking if he wanted to get together (this was after a particularly intense sex dream she had that she needed to, ahem, fulfill) he agreed.

"So as we're getting into it, I'm on top of him and there's been like 10 or 15 minutes of making out and touching and..."

This is where it gets good.

"He just gets up and walks out the door."

"Right in the middle?"

"Yes."

"Did he say anything?"

"He kind of mumbled something but I didn't understand. I just laid there like, Did I do something wrong? Did he go to get a condom? Finally he came back in and just laid down next to me."

"First of all, the only thing you could do wrong at that point in time is have a penis. Do you think he came too early? Jizzed in his pants?"

"Well he knows I don't have a penis! But that's what I was thinking! But I don't know!"

Liberty says things were very awkward after that and he hasn't texted her since. We need your help! Has this ever happened to you or a friend? Or have you ever walked out of the room mid-hook up? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!

Love much,

Lavender

♪: "Jizz in my Pants" by The Lonely Island

Overcome the Conversation Starved Relationship

Check out this great advice on keeping the conversation going from Alisa Bowman at Project Happily Ever After: Overcome the Conversation Starved Marriage.

Sweet Nothings

"Because I forgot to say 'I love you'!"

-Duckie on why he called me back after he had just said good-bye

Gotta Communciate

Last night found me laying in bed trying to sleep but really I was just frustratingly waiting for Duckie to call me. I didn't get to spend a lot of time with him this weekend so I wanted to have a nice conversation before bedtime. That evening I texted him: "Could we talk on the phone or FaceTime sometime before bed?" To which he says, "Sure." And because I know he has said that a lot and then not been able to call, I say, "Promise?" And he promises.

A bit later he texts me: "I'm going to go to the gym and I'll call you on my way back."

Then a while later: "Done working out...I'm not heading back home yet but I'll call you when I do."

When I ask, "When do you think that will be?" he replies "Soon if not now."

So silly me, thinking he was going to call me within the next few minutes.

30 minutes later: "Babe?"

"What?"

"I thought you said you were heading home soon."

"I'm eating and then walking back."

"Well I've been waiting for you to call. I need to go to bed. You said 'soon if not now.'"

"Oh sorry :("

"It's fine, do you know when you will be done?

"I don't know."

I'm not the only one who would be frustrated by this, right? When he finally did call me, he was standing in the cold outside his house and called just to say good night. I hid my disappointment on the phone; I had wanted a real conversation where we talk about our weekends, not a quick good night.

After we hung up, I realized I hadn't communicated very well. Duckie was a great boyfriend and he wouldn't blow off a phone call with me if he didn't have to. I texted him and straight up said: "When I asked you if we could talk before bed I didn't mean just a good night."

To which he apologized with many emojis and exclamation marks then promptly called me for a decent conversation.

We were obviously having a communication problem. He didn't express to me what his timing was, thus I was waiting around for him. And I didn't express to him my true intention. For all he knows, I had only wanted a good-bye call that whole time. This small lesson taught me that in a relationship (and especially over text) it is vital to be so thorough in what you say that there is no chance of misunderstanding.

Love much,

Lavender

♪: "The Boys" by Nicki Minaj and Cassie