Writings

I've found poetry and other forms of writing to be therapeutic in times of love and loss. Below are some of my thoughts written down. I don't pretend to be a poet, I just enjoy putting my emotions into words. 

Love much,
Lavender 

"After you Leave"
After you leave
The teddy bears have red eyes
The songs have demonic messages
The love notes are full of hate
The pictures are burned at the edges
The sheets tangle and suffocate
The memories are left to torture me

"Losing Control"

Anxiety is

When you want so badly to fast forward your life

But the problem is

You also want to rewind

Knowing the amount of days you have left

But there is nothing you can do about it

Except wait and suffer

Wanting to talk about your feelings

But you can’t

Because that would just make it worse

Having everything else right in your life

But there is a constant cloud

Darkening, following, whispering

Longing for the relief of sleep

But terrified to lie in bed

Because then you’re forced to think

Anxiety is

Losing control of your life, your mind, your heart

While being fully awake

And watching it all happen

"Can't Breathe"

Head under the covers

I breathe evenly and deeply

But then I remember where I am

And I begin to panic

There is not enough air under here

I pull my head out and breathe

Evenly and deeply again

But wait, this room is too small

Surely there is no more oxygen

My breath becomes short

I go outside and breathe fresh air

Evenly and deeply again

Looking at all the people

Breathing the same air

How can there be enough

My breath becomes short

"Don't Tell Me"

Don’t tell me that I can do better

Or that I’m too good for him

Don’t tell me

Don’t tell me

That there are other fish in the sea

Why all of a sudden,

Now that it’s the end

Am I the one on top?

If that is what you want to say

Please don’t, just stop

I can’t bear to hear it

Because then it’s all gone

The feeling I once felt

That my swelling heart

Will simply no longer fit

No matter what happens

I always want to remember

The happiness and smiles
Even though I know what happens

You will become a stranger

So please, just please

Don’t tell me all the lies

Because once I believe them

Then what happens to the memories?

I won’t let them disappear

Don’t tell me I can do better

I know that it’s not true

He may not have been the one for me

But he was amazing through and through

Don’t tell me, because I know better than you

"Before You Were Born"

She will probably be tall like us

But she won’t always be tall

She will grow up thinking how unfair it is

That her parents are tall but she’s not

Until one day her jeans are too short

And she can’t touch her toes like you

She will like to read

Stemming from nightly readings from our favorites

Like Harry Potter or Eragon

But she will probably spend her life deciding

Whether she likes to read enough to want to write

Just like her mom

She might have issues

Because her father was missing a father

And her mother was missing a mother

Or maybe she will be all the better for it

Because we want nothing more

Than for her not to suffer

She will be born with blue eyes

And I will be so excited because she will look like me

But then her eyes will turn brown like yours

And I will be glad that I get to look into those eyes

Even when you’re not around

I hope she appreciates that

I never wanted children

I thought this world was too painful

I told myself I’d adopt when the time came

But now all I want is to create another person

From the love you and I share because

Surely that person can make the world less cruel

"Bed"

Bed

My bed

While very soft

Like a fancy hotel

With it’s pillows and blankets

And teddy bear that’s so soft

Is far too big and too cold

When you’re not here to sleep with me