Wednesday, January 30, 2013

One minute he's there...

A text from 1:12 AM this morning: "I have a new story for the blog" from my single-and-loving-it friend Liberty.

Several hours later after I had woken up, I replied and we set a time to meet at a coffee shop to discuss her news. Liberty was already at a table working on homework when I walked up. It took about a minute of small-talk before we jumped into the news.

"Okay, so I went to Stressball's house last night," Liberty says.

"I don't know who that is," I say.

"He's that guy that I met through a friend a while ago. We started talking on Facebook then we hung out to watch 'The Royal Tenenbaums'...on his bed. And we hooked up."

"Hooked up?"

"Well we didn't have sex but...we did other things."

I got the picture. So, here we have Liberty and Stressball (so named because of his stressful tendencies to over-analyze his and Liberty's relationship before they even hung out). They have had one successful hang out with some hooking up. Liberty enjoyed it ("He may be stressful but damn is he hot") and he must have enjoyed it too because when Liberty texted him the other day asking if he wanted to get together (this was after a particularly intense sex dream she had that she needed to, ahem, fulfill) he agreed.

"So as we're getting into it, I'm on top of him and there's been like 10 or 15 minutes of making out and touching and..."

This is where it gets good.

"He just gets up and walks out the door."

"Right in the middle?"


"Did he say anything?"

"He kind of mumbled something but I didn't understand. I just laid there like, Did I do something wrong? Did he go to get a condom? Finally he came back in and just laid down next to me."

"First of all, the only thing you could do wrong at that point in time is have a penis. Do you think he came too early? Jizzed in his pants?"

"Well he knows I don't have a penis! But that's what I was thinking! But I don't know!"

Liberty says things were very awkward after that and he hasn't texted her since. We need your help! Has this ever happened to you or a friend? Or have you ever walked out of the room mid-hook up? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!

Love much,


♪: "Jizz in my Pants" by The Lonely Island

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